Ageing Old Jedi
by Channy
Summary: Xanatos and Obi-Wan ponder what to buy Qui-Gon for Christmas. (Rated R for language and mild slash.)


TITLE: Ageing Old Jedi  
  
RATING: R for language and innuendo.  
  
AUTHOR: Channy  
  
DATE: December 24th 2001  
  
EMAIL: d-e@diaryland.com  
  
SITE: d-e.diaryland.com  
  
SUMMARY: Xanatos and Obi-Wan ponder what to buy Qui-Gon for Christmas.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Obi or Xani, nor do I hold any rights to Bootlegger. but the trashy novels are mine, damnit, mine! ;)  
  
  
  
  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi sat on the couch in the living room of his high-rise, Coruscant apartment and hummed to himself. He never could remember the lyrics, or the tune for that matter, but he was trying his best to keep up with the choir singing Auld Lang Syne on the television.  
  
"Nah nah nah-nah... dee.. dum.. Du-du.. Oh, fuckit. Stupid song." He got up from the couch and promptly tuned off the box that now seemed to be mocking him as young children were brought up onto the stage, all singing perfectly.  
  
Obi-Wan had been living alone, and away from the Jedi ever since he had left the Jedi order some ten years ago. It was pretty idiotic, when he thought about it, leaving the Jedi for some stupid kids? It all worked out for the best, though, considering that he soon found that he had quite the talent for gambling. Ah, gambling, his drug of choice. He was good enough to be able to afford all the best Coruscant had to offer; he even had one kick-ass boyfriend.  
  
Kenobi stretched out on his couch, yawned, and watched various expensive speeders zoom by his large window, "What's taking him, damnit?"  
  
Obi had often been told that by listening to him, one would never guess he had been associated with the Jedi Order. *Well, if you don't -use- all the words in your vocabulary, what's the point?*  
  
Xani had gone out to buy some last-minute Christmas gifts at least three hours ago, and frankly, Obi-Wan was starting to get lonely. He grinned suddenly, and stretched his arm down to search under the couch without actually having to get up, "I know it's under here somewhere."  
  
"Ah-ha!" He cried, as he held up his treasure: An old, worn copy of one of Coruscant's best trashy romance novels, "The Lower Levels: Going Down." Obi- Wan skipped the first pages, heading straight to page 34, where Duské meats his secret lover Fred in the Crimson Corridor. Obi-Wan giggled, "Fred.. what kind of a name -is- that?"  
  
He was just getting to the good part when there was a deafening crash outside the door. Obi-Wan jumped, and stuffed the novel back under the couch. He ran over, palmed the door open and stared at Xanatos.  
  
He was lying one his back amidst a dozen gift-wrapped packages, "Oops."  
  
"What in Kessel..?" Obi-Wan offered him a hand and helped him up, "What happened?"  
  
"Erm.." Xanatos began, brushing some pitch-black hair away from his eyes, "I couldn't see where I was going.. and I.."  
  
At that moment, Xanatos' own copy of Lower Levels tumbled out from his cloak pocket, and conveniently lay open on page 34. Obi-Wan began laughing as if there was a womp rat in his pants, "Can't you wait until you get home to read the trash?!"  
  
Xanatos' fair complexion turned about five shades of red as he hurried to stuff the novel back into his cloak, "Shut up! Just shut up! I bought it for you! To get. ideas!"  
  
Obi-Wan let go of the doorframe, which he had been grasping onto for support, and started helping his boyfriend pick up the scattered boxes. Once everything was stored as neatly as it was going to get on their kitchen table, Xanatos announced that he still needed to get a gift for Qui- Gon.  
  
"Qui-Gon?!" Obi-Wan all but screamed, "Why would you get -him- a gift? He's a heartless cruel excuse for a Jedi! You know it, he killed your father and abandoned me!"  
  
"Yah... but. what if no one else buys him anything? C'mon, Obi. have some Christmas spirit." He grinned, "I'll let you try out page 87."  
  
Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow, and held up a finger, "Hold on!" He rushed back into the living and all but hurled himself under the couch in an attempt to fish out his book. He quickly flipped to page 87 and read it.  
  
Xanatos was putting his cloak back on, and smiled as he heard Obi-Wan shout, "Let's go, right now!" from the other room.  
  
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The two ex-Jedi walked into Bootlegger, holding hands and chatting loudly about what to buy Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan dropped Xani's hand and walked over to a sales-duros, who was taking quite a while in changing the clothes of one of the mannequins.  
  
"Ahem," Kenobi cleared his throat, "you wouldn't happen to know what an ageing old Jedi would like for Christmas, would you?"  
  
The Duros climbed down from the ladder he was on (the mannequin hung from the ceiling), "Last minute Christmas shopping, hrm? Well, let's see." He led the two over into the clothing section, "Ageing old Jedi.. well, that rules out these!" He held up a pair of Snake Charmer boxers.  
  
Obi felt a slight nudge in his side, and looked over to see Xanatos wink at him, "Um.." he began, "I think I'll take those. for myself." Obi-Wan reached out and snatched the boxers from the grinning Duros. "Now.. um, something for an old fart?"  
  
"Oh yes.. well. We have quite the selection of socks. Socks for all occasions, I'm sure you could find some decent socks."  
  
Xanatos watched the Duros carefully, "Um, no thanks. I think we'll take it from here, we'll probably be better off."  
  
A few minutes later, Kenobi and DuCruet were staring at a wall full of rings. Rings of all sizes and colours. Obi-Wan smiled mischievously, and stuck a ring that much too wide on his index finger. He tapped Xanatos' shoulder, "Well, what do you think?"  
  
Xanatos stood there staring at his boyfriend, his mouth open and eyes wide, "Obi-Wan!" he hissed, "What are you doing? That's a cock ring!"  
  
"I know," Obi-Wan dropped it into the basket with the Snake Charmer boxers.  
  
"But... Qui-Gon would never want something like that! He can't even get any!"  
  
Obi-Wan smiled some more, "I know, it's for you."  
  
Xanatos blushed uncontrollably and moved on to busy himself in the fascinating sock aisle.  
  
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Two hours later, the couple collapsed on the couch with three bags full of things from Bootlegger.  
  
"Hrm.. well, that didn't go well." Obi-Wan sighed, and leaned back against Xanatos who wrapped an arm about his partner's chest.  
  
"Sure it did. we got clothes, and rings, and creams." Xanatos grinned to himself.  
  
"But nothing for Qui-Gon," Kenobi reminded him.  
  
Xanatos leaned down and kissed Obi-Wan's temple, "Ah well, we'll find something. Now c'mon, it's eight o'clock, time for bed."  
  
Obi-Wan chuckled and practically flew over the back of the couch, running t'ward their bedroom, Xanatos was barely a foot behind him.  
  
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Qui-Gon hauled himself out of bed on Christmas morning. He heard a soft moan behind him and turned to find the stripper he brought home last night still laying there.  
  
Qui-Gon scoffed and jabbed him the blunt end of his lightsaber, "Wake up, and get out. Oh, and Merry Christmas."  
  
The young, human stripper growled something to the Jedi Master that was definitely not Basic, collected his things and stumbled out of the apartment.  
  
Master Jinn sauntered into his common room and eyed a package sitting on his table that was not there the night before. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, and turned the wrapped box over. He shrugged, and tore off the decorative paper. Inside was a box with a card taped on the outside. Qui-Gon opened the card,  
  
"Master Jinn," it read, "I don't like you, and you don't like me. Ow! Xani stop jabbing me! Oh great, now look what you made me write! Anyway, my wonderful, gifted *ahem*, boyfriend thought it'd be nice to send you a gift this Christmas, so. Yah, here you go. Obi-Wan Kenobi & Xanatos DuCruet."  
  
And, of course, under Xanatos' name was his trademark broken circle.  
  
Qui-Gon scowled at the name, but tore into the box all the same. Inside was a pair of blue, furry/fluffy socks with a card containing the name and number of the Duros who worked at Bootlegger. 


End file.
